I recently spoke with David Shapiro who runs the leading social and professional networking company in the New York City area. He has more than 250,000 members and ten years of experience hosting events and vacations for upscale professionals. David recently gave me the inside scoop on the NYC dating scene and now I’ve got some jewcy intel for you!
Ms. Avi: I’ve been in DC for the past few years and recently moved to NYC. I’m still trying to get a grasp on the city! To my understanding, there may be a few JDate members in NYC. The thing that has shocked me most about NYC dating (compared to the suburbs) is that the level of respect people have for each other in the NYC dating world is low. I hear it’s not uncommon in NYC for men to ask for numbers, imply they are going to ask you out, and then just never call. What is your take on NYC guys (or any big city) and the best ways to deal with them?
David: First of all, there are more than just a few JDate members in NYC. Almost every single guy and girl is on JDate, or has been at one time in their dating life. Everyone in NYC is busy, operates at a fast pace and seems to have a short attention span. My simple advice is, “Don’t take on-line or off-line dating too seriously.” Girls tend to overanalyze and obsess over a guy who ‘promised’ to call. At the time he said he was going to call, he probably meant it. However, NYC guys are easily distracted and may simply forget. Don’t take it personally and move on to the next potential date. NYC dating is a numbers game. The more potential and actual dates, the more likely you are to meet someone worthwhile.
Donde Esta Los Hombres?
Ms. Avi: I’m always asking my friends, “Do you know of any nice, Jewish single guys in the city?” There are two responses I hear on a regular basis: 1. All the guys I know are taken and 2. All my buddies are d-bags looking to get laid. I know, for a fact, there are single Jewish men in the tri-state area. From my month exploring NYC, the best places to meet Jewish guys in NYC are actually not at Jewish events, but instead at sports leagues, trivia nights, bars, outdoor clubs, political events, seminars, classes, etc. Any other insight to add?
David: You can meet nice, Jewish guys at Jewish events, or any of the other places you mentioned. Don’t rule anything out. You never know where or when you will meet the right person. My advice is keep active, be social and smile wherever you go… you could find him playing pick-up basketball, in line at the grocery store, or a Jewish event. All the nice, Jewish guys aren’t hiding away in some secret place. Just like you, they are out there and looking to meet someone. However, if I had to pick one spot to strongly recommend, it would be sports bars. You have an entire bar that is 90% guys who are drinking, hanging out with their buddies and would love to ‘pick you up’ and impress their friends!
Keeping the Faith:
Ms. Avi: It’s to no one’s surprise that many Jewish men date shiksas. Obviously, not all of that is our fault, and is just the product of the multi-cultural, mixed ethnic society we choose to live in. But looking beyond that, what specifically should Jewish women be doing to attract Jewish men, especially in NYC where the competition is high? #1 Rule in my book (Secrets of Shiksa Appeal) to attract Jewish men is to “not be his mother, not be like your mother, and to not be like anyone’s mother.” Being fit and caring about your appearance, having confidence, and putting yourself out there (because dating IS effort), are the most important principles I preach. What other advice do you have for Jewish women to attract Jewish men?
David: Stereotypically shiksas are known for being lower emotional and financial maintenance than Jewish girls. True or not, it’s a stereotype that many subscribe to. So, to have “shiksa appeal,” be independent both emotional and financially. Also, be appreciative, but not needy. Have an opinion, but don’t be bossy. Be caring, but not too motherly. Ms. Avi, I disagree slightly and think it’s okay to be a little motherly. Jewish men really are children. We don’t mind being taken care of a little by a girl we are dating…especially if she can cook!
Ms. Avi: I spent time in DC working at speed dating events and some of my best advice for speed daters would be to smile, don’t act like you’re interviewing the person across from you, and just have fun! For women, wear bright color to help stand out in his mind and always dress appropriate for the venue (aka a black cocktail dress is out of place at a coffee shop.) Considering you run speed dating events in NY, what advice do you have for speed daters?
David: Avi, I agree with all of your advice. I would just add that you should come a little early and make time to stay afterwards. There is no rule against chatting with someone you find interesting ‘off the clock.’ For the guys, get her number during this time instead of waiting for your matches to appear online. Girls, do some friendly flirting and he will remember you. Also, one of my favorite ‘tricks’ for the guys is to find the waiter/waitress for the venue who is hosting the event and give a $20 tip upfront. Tell them whenever you are with a pretty girl (male or female wait staff know who is attractive) to come over to your table. Buy that girl a drink on your tab and you just won major points! Everyone needs a few cocktails to make speed dating more fun and relaxed.