Picking the place to eat is a sensitive game. Never, ever pick a place that you like. This is for several reasons. First, if you like a place, then the staff there might recognize you and end up saying really stupid things to you on a first date like “Hey, why pants all of a sudden?” or “Your girlfriend has put on some weight.” Second, because a date can be a very anxiety-filled experience, you don’t want to have to be nervous when enjoying your favorite food. Third, if you take a girl to a place you like, she will know of this secret place too, and you will always be nervous that she will be there in the future when you just want to gorge yourself alone.

Also, always suggest a place where she wants to go, even if you’re violently allergic to the food. Suggest a place close to her home as well, because, while it’s nice of you to ask to pick her up for a first date, she will never say ‘yes’ because she’s never met you before. If she’s indecisive, which she will be, just tell her to let you know when she decides. Put the food ball in her restaurant court. Now, the burden is off you in terms of venue and it’s off of you to be the person to initiate the next call.

Now, all you have to do is sit back and wait for her to eventually not want to see you again. If you’re pessimistic like me, postpone the date as much as possible. In this way, you can not only delay inevitable heartbreak, but you will also come off as cool and not quite as desperate. Rejection has a silver lining. It makes you not as eager to put yourself out there, thus projecting a nonchalant disposition, when, really, you just need some time to recover.

Right now, the best part of my day is the one-and-a-half hours after my shower, but before bed. This doesn’t have anything to do with the post, but this is about to happen, and I’m not about to stop it.