Reader email regarding March’s post “Help Me Write Emails Please!”

Tamar:

Your advice is good. However, no matter how uninspiring the email, courtesy and regard for another’s feelings REQUIRE a response. Just because this is the anonymity of the internet does not excuse rude behavior. When someone writes, they are paying you a compliment. They are saying, “I think you are attractive.” If someone said that to you at a social gathering, you would not ignore them. Don’t do it on the internet. A simple, “Thank you, but no, thank you…” (not, of course in those words), would suffice. This goes for both men and women.

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Dear Reader:

I totally agree. If you receive an email from a prospect you’re not interested in, it is good karma to reply and thank them for their interest but let them know you don’t think it would be a match, and then wish them luck. Do not give a reason why it won’t be a match, this is not the time to hurt someone’s feelings.

It’s definitely an awkward email to write but it is one that is worthwhile. If you were the one sending the initial email, then you would be appreciative of a response — even if it is a rejection because otherwise you will be left wondering, checking to see if they’ve logged on recently and if they’ve read the email yet, and why they aren’t responding. And when you receive those emails, don’t get mad or take it personally because that’s not the response you would want the other party to have when you send your “rejection” emails.

You might be making a mistake by rejecting a prospect, and a prospect might be making a mistake by rejecting you, but that’s just one of the unfortunate parts of the dating game. It’s actually easier to accept it, move on, and put your efforts into pursuing or being pursued by someone with mutual interest.