Most writers are sad all of the time and then die alone. This is either because they sit in darkness and solitude all day contemplating the meaning of their own existence while they ironically get closer to death every minute they spend trying to think about what they’re supposed to be doing, or because they have really bad hygiene.

Luckily, I have pretty good hygiene and I always make sure that the light is on. However, every minute that I spend writing is a minute that I’m not doing something else, like walking. Even walking to the refrigerator provides enough of an experience for my body to release enough endorphins for me to forget that the only thing in the refrigerator is two-year-old V8, and if I were to drink it, I would die. It’s a really good thing I spend only about twenty minutes writing these.

So, every Monday and Wednesday night, I sit in my room and write these things. When I started, I wrote exclusively about dating, but I soon learned that 1.) I did not go on two dates a week and 2.) I have absolutely no practical advice to give to anyone who paid money for a dating service. So then, I decided to try to write about how not to act on a date, but realized that in order to know how to not act on a date, you would also have to know how to act on a date.

But then things got weird, because I never wanted anyone that I was dating and had met via JDate to read this. Luckily, they probably never did because either nobody found out about the fact that I wrote here or nobody cared. However, sometimes it would slip out, and I would get really nervous. I didn’t really think about the fact that this writing is just a reflection of myself, so even if they didn’t read it, they were still getting a pretty good idea of what I was all about.

Blogging for a dating site is a really weird thing. I’ve been writing here for two years. How do you take someone’s advice that you know has been relatively single for a relatively long time? You don’t. You read this because either you are interested in something that I have to say or you are my mom.