Dear Tamar,

I don’t hear from some men for days, weeks, months even! Then they just act like everything’s fine and we can pick right up where we left off. It doesn’t work that way. There’s a certain rhythm to relationships, and I can’t get into a groove with someone I only hear from sporadically. These are eligible men, but we just never get anything off the ground because they can’t manage to communicate regularly. I call them prairie dogs — they pop up (text, text, text), then disappear (silence… a week goes by), then pop up again (text, text), then gone. And repeat! Some guys text me like that for months, never materializing, till I finally have to say, “Please stop.” It gives new meaning to the term “long-distance relationship.” The guy’s around the corner, but emotionally he’s light years away.

So what’s the ‘right’ timing for keeping in touch in early courtship?


Dear Rhythm and Timing,

Great question. The answer is obvious, but hard to face. If a guy were interested he would call — NOT TEXT — regularly in early courtship in order to make plans to see you as often as possible. A guy who texts you sporadically is simply trying to keep you hooked for when he’s bored or lonely. I know that stings. It sucks. But it’s the truth. If you don’t hear from a guy for a week or more between texts, then don’t wait for him to do it again. Tell him to stop. A guy who wants to date you will call within a couple of days of meeting you (or asking for and receiving your number on JDate), and will make plans with you for within the week. He will call you again to confirm the date and he will call you shortly after the date as well. Don’t confuse attention with interest.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *