Have you ever tried to stop and think during the day just to collect your thoughts? I found myself staring at a wall clock today, thinking how slowly that minute hand was moving. The next thing I knew, it was two hours later and the lights were off.

The phrase ‘there’s not enough hours in the day’ is, in my opinion, stupid. I mean, poeople created the parameters of the hour, right? So they can change the definition of ‘hour’ to mean that hour can be however long or short they want it to be. For instance, they could make that hour fifteen minutes long; then the average person would be able to get around 28 hours of sleep a night! Do you have any idea how refreshed and productive our society would be after 28 hours of sleep every night? I would be so happy.

However, the hell spawns that decided to make an hour 60 minutes long have really limited the abilities of humanity. No matter what you do during the day, you are restricted to 24 hours — 7 of which are spent sleeping, .75 in the restroom, 1 in the car, 1 watching television, .25 walking somewhere, 2 surfing the internet, 1 reading, 2 eating, 1.5 talking on the phone, 2 texting, 3 worrying, and the final 3 are spent thinking about things you’d rather be doing. This leaves you with only a half hour of time to actually do anything that at all matters (or maybe that’s just me).

A highlight reel of my day would be about three seconds long and would include a clip of me laughing, eating, and then sleeping. That is, during the work week. During the weekend, it would be much longer and show me sleeping for half of the day and then hopefully seeing my lady friend during the second half. This highlight would happen in real time. There’s nothing on the weekend I would want to skip over. Except for the shaving. I hate shaving. So much.