Dear Rabbi Singer,
I am in my early thirties and in the strange predicament of not being able to carry a child to term. After a bout with cancer in my early 20s, my doctors and I decided it would be safer for all involved if I had my tubes removed. They are not tied, but cut out and the ends cauterized shut.
I love dating and being with Jewish men. But, it seems that everyone wants to have kids. I enjoy being around children, at least part time. But having my own is not an option. Should I even continue looking? Or should I give up and move on to other religions?
Childless in Philadelphia
I’m so sorry to hear about your challenge. I hope that you are in good overall health now.
While it’s true that many single men (regardless of religion) hope to have kids of their own, there are many great guys out there who have been married before and already have children. Many, if not most, of these divorced dads don’t necessarily want more children, although they will if their new spouse insists. These guys would be thrilled to date a woman in her early thirties who isn’t pressured to have children.
With the divorce rate at over 50%, there’s a huge pool of divorced dads waiting to find love without the demands of having more children. Focus your search in that population.
Best of luck in finding love.
Rabbi Singer — You could have mentioned adoption as an option for this young lady, Many women don’t want to marry a man who already has children — I know I don’t, mostly because I don’t want to deal with drama from the child’s mother. It’s not clear whether she even wants children for sure, and these days some couples are perfectly happy being child free.