Halloween isn’t exactly one of the top Jewish holidays. In fact, it’s not a Jewish holiday at all. But among the Jews who do celebrate it, there are certain costumes that are rarely selected by them. Which, you ask? Thank you, that was right on cue! Here, then, according to our own internal survey of Jews who celebrate All Hallows’ Eve, are the five least-popular Halloween costumes for Jews.

1. Ham & Cheese Sandwich

This one mixes the forbidden ham with the equally-forbidden mixture of meat and dairy.

2. The Pope 

Worldwide Catholic leader. Ostentatious dresser. (You can reserve the right to change your opinion, though, if it is determined that he got his outfit wholesale.)

3. Bernie Madoff

Don’t we Jews have enough trouble without this shmuck having made things worse? Unless you have a partner who is willing to dress up as someone horsewhipping Madoff… then it could work!

4. Chunky Cupid

If you’re a Jewish man of some heft, with an obvious liking for pastrami sandwiches and fries, no one wants to see you in a costume revealing your belly and chest. Keep in mind, too, that Cupid is supposed to make folks fall in love; not make them nauseated about the prospect of love.

5. Bad Santa

First, Jews celebrate Hanukkah; not Christmas, so you already lose points right there in the costume. But, if you are going to portray one of the most beloved mythological figures in Christianity, it’s probably not a good idea to do so as a lazy drunk. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you’re awake; he just doesn’t know when he’s awake. Especially when his alcohol consumption has turned his nose redder than Rudolph’s.