Do you have a pattern of bad relationships? If you think it’s bad luck bringing these “winners” to you time and time again, think again.

Yes, sometimes we truly do get bad luck when it comes to choosing a particular mate; after all, sometimes people don’t show their true colors for quite some time. But if this is happening to you over and over, it’s more likely that your bad self-esteem is attracting and choosing bad partners for you. You simply can’t pin that on fate or luck, period.

Here are some signs your bad self-esteem is leading you to pick poor partners, and how to change this pattern once and for all.

1. You End Up In Abusive Relationships

Have you ended multiple relationships with emotionally, physically or verbally abusive individuals? Do you walk away from relationships feeling mentally drained and unstable?

If the answer is yes, then it’s not because you have bad luck. It’s because you have bad self-esteem. The way you feel about yourself and view yourself has allowed you to invite people in who reflect how you feel about you. You believe you are not a good person and so therefore, you invite people who encourage you to continue to feel this way.

Pay close attention to the way you’re treated right from the start to avoid letting destructive individuals into your love life.

2. You Often Feel Like You’re Not Getting What You Need

If you find yourself feeling as if your partner doesn’t give you what you need emotionally, physically or intellectually but somehow, you convince yourself to stay anyway … most likely, that’s due to your self-esteem.

If you felt good about yourself, you would not allow yourself to settle for a relationship in which you constantly feel as if you are not getting what you want. Often, when someone suffers with a bad self-image, he or she will simply settle in order to not be alone.

Make a list of what you need in a relationship to be happy. Clarifying what you need – even just to yourself – is essential if you want to avoid ending up in another lackluster relationship.

3. You Rationalize A Partner’s Bad Behavior

Do you turn to your friends and say, “Wow, I can’t believe he/she did that to you. You shouldn’t put up with that!” But when it comes to your own relationship, you find yourself making excuses for your own partner’s bad behavior? If you’re always looking for explanations to cover for your partner, you’ve got to wonder why you’re so eager to cover up such bad choices.

Imagine someone you really admire. Someone very confident. Do you think he or she would do the same? Give yourself that same level of respect and take a stand when a partner behaves badly.

4. Your Friends Second Guess Your Partner

Have your friends been on the fence about whom you date or been very concerned about your romantic dalliances? If your friends don’t seem to warm up to any of your partners, there’s usually a good reason for it.  They probably see that these individuals are not good to you, or for you.

We attract what we give out. If we feel bad about ourselves or are negative and self-destructive or doubtful, we will get back people who mirror our feelings, or who continue to perpetuate our bad feelings about ourselves. Don’t dismiss what your friends say so easily; they just want what’s best for you.

5. You Wouldn’t Let Your Friends Or Children Date Similar People

If you look back at your love history and think that you’d never want your friends, family or your own kids to date a similar type of man or woman, you have to wonder why you thought it was acceptable for you to settle for such a person.

Love yourself the same way you love these friends and family members. If you do, you won’t end up with the wrong type of person.

Bad self-esteem gets right in the driver’s seat of our lives and leads us to people who reflect and reinforce those bad feelings right back at us. If you find yourself saying, “Yes, that’s me” to any of these things, you should do some serious self-reflection and self-care to get yourself where you need to be: loving yourself, 24/7, 365 days a year.

You may also be interested in 7 Sacrifices You Shouldn’t Make For A Relationship

One Comment
  1. That was very powerful for me – You wrote EXACTLY how I feel. Thank you!

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