Well, here we are. We’re nearing the end of 2016, Hanukkah is just days away, and you’ve been dating up a storm. These are all exciting things. I thought it would be fun to talk about the eight guys you’re probably going on dates with, you know, in honor of Hanukkah and all. Haven’t we all dated guys like these at one point or another? This is a must-share with your girlfriends who can certainly relate to being on dates with these eight types of dudes.
1. The Talker
He talks nonstop. As in, he doesn’t come up for air. It’s not that you don’t enjoy talking to him, it’s just that sometimes you want to sit in silence for more than a half of a millisecond. Most of the time, he brings up interesting topics and you’re not yawning or anything, but there are times you kind of just want him to shut up.
2. The Life Ponderer
He’s constantly talking about life and the whys and hows of … well, everything. You love a deep guy, but he has taken deep to a whole new level. Sometimes you’re into it, and other times, you zone out and start thinking about Noah Solloway on “The Affair.” IMHO, Noah isn’t such a bad thing for your mind to wander off to, just sayin’.
3. The Jokester
This one doesn’t know how to speak without making a joke. Every date is like “knock-knock jokes gone bad.” You love a good laugh, but his cheesy jokes aren’t even clever. And, girl, you just don’t have time for that.
4. The Sarcastic One
I love sarcasm. However, sarcasm is only great when the person who is being sarcastic actually knows how to be sarcastic. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the best with delivering sarcasm, and so I don’t do it often. This guy tries to make sarcastic remarks every other sentence, but they fall flat – very flat.
5. The Planner
If spontaneity was at one end of the extreme, this guy is at the complete opposite end and then some. It’s not just that he isn’t spontaneous, it’s that he has every single solitary thing planned and mapped out. There’s NO room for just going with the flow. It’s far too intense and stressful.
6. The No-Pulse Nelly
Compared to “The Planner,” this one is the complete opposite. Sometimes, you wonder if he even has a pulse. He’s so chill … like, uber-chill. Like, the house could go up in flames, and he’d be sitting there hanging out and eventually being like, “Oh, we probably should get out.” You’re chill, you’re cool, but this is a tad overboard. You need an opinion from your man!
7. The Quiet Type
He’s painfully shy. I’m talking beyond shy, more like practically mute. It’s like pulling teeth getting words out of him. It’s bad, and it puts all the pressure on you to make conversation.
8. The Sports Fanatic
He’s in every Fantasy League out there, and his weekends consist of no less than 10 games. If any one of his sports teams is playing, he will not go out until the game is over. It doesn’t matter what the event is; his sports are #1. If you ended up with this one, you better make sure there’s not a Knicks game the day of your wedding or he very well won’t meet you under that chuppah.
And, there you have it. Those are likely eight of the guys you’ve been going on dates with! This Hanukkah, see if you can remember one for each of the eight nights. It’s a fun way to pass the time, even if none of those dates panned out in the long run. Just remember that dating lots of different guys makes it easier to spot “The One” when he crosses your path!
You may also be interested in 5 Yiddish Terms For Describing A First Date