Dear Tamar,

I went out on a first date this week. The guy was cute and nice enough, but I’m having doubts about whether to accept his recent text (ew!) for a second date. I just feel like he’s lacking depth. The conversation was very surface-level, but maybe that’s appropriate for a first date? Is something lacking or am I just being too critical?

—Second-Date Doubter


Dear Second-Date Doubter,

I wasn’t there so obviously I can’t speak to the sincerity of the conversation, but if you aren’t feeling it, then don’t accept the second date. That said, people do have first date jitters and if there is some hope for a rebound then I suggest giving him another chance.

People are also jaded from going on so many first dates that they sometimes keep the conservation impersonal. This is understandable, but it won’t do him any favors either. If you do accept the second date, then try to steer the conversation to a deeper place and see how he reacts.

As for the text to ask you out, that is one of my pet peeves and I would reject the date based on that alone! Again though, he may have jitters of being rejected so he is taking the path of least resistance. So, if you have any attraction to this guy then sure, go ahead and accept the date. If not, then just ignore his text. Since he asked you out in the most cowardly way possible, you don’t owe him anything.

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