I have always been completely confident in the fact that I would never lose my hair. Though my dad lost most of his hair by age 7, my parents had always told me that hair loss was inherited from the mother’s side. My maternal grandfather always had a lot of unmoving hair on his head. I didn’t really pay attention to the fact that it never moved. I was more interested in the fact that it wasn’t falling off. However, later in life, I would learn that hair that never moves is the first sign of toupee.

So, by the time I turned 22, I still did not know what a wig was, for the purposes of this blog post. I actually didn’t know that he wore one until I was about that age. I just figured he had a gorgeous head of hair, as I would have, forever. When I found out it was a wig, I finally saw myself for the way I actually was. A young, overweight, albeit handsome young man, with some flaws, the least of which was the beginning of my male-pattern baldness. However, it did not bother me that much because I was in the midst of an eight-year-long OCD-induced potentially life-ending breakdown. The hair loss was just that one thing that, even during those few moments when I finally allowed myself to forget about everything else, reminded me that everything was horrible.

Well, I finally learned to manage my anxiety, and lose all of the weight. The hair loss is just there to remind me that not everything can be controlled. I am always in control of the long line of women that are constantly rejecting me. I am always in control of the car that I am constantly almost driving into things, usually things traveling towards me at an equal or greater speed. I am always in control of the remote control that controls the television that I watch to control my anxiety and worries that had previously controlled my life. However, I am never in control of the way that things have stopped growing on my head.

I’d much rather be semi-sane, thin, and balding than insane, fat, and sweaty with a full head of hair. However, I don’t think anybody on earth is insane, fat, and sweaty, with a full head of hair. Hair is still good for one’s self esteem. Having all of that hair can prevent insanity if you’re fat and can prevent weight gain if you’re insane.

I’m still waiting on meeting a woman that likes me as much as I like her. Maybe I should get a wig.