Fights happen in relationships. It’s normal, common and totally okay. You’re bound to disagree with your partner and possibly bicker about it, but that’s what happens when you’re close with someone. It’s good to disagree and have an opinion. It’s important to have a backbone. Yes, this is me saying that fighting is a good thing … if done properly.
First things first: we’re all adults, so let’s act like adults, shall we? If we find ourselves in a fight with a significant other, let’s be mature about it. Use these dos and don’ts to keep your relationship on track even when you hit a bump in the road.
Do Not Do While Fighting
- Do not yell or raise your voice. Nothing will be accomplished if you’re just yelling at each other.
- Do not call each other names. We’re not in elementary school; this seems a tad ridiculous, am I right?
- Do not bring up your exes to “piss them off.” There’s no need to bring up past relationships while fighting just because you’re heated.
- Do not throw things – ever.
- Do not bring others into it. While arguing, do not call friends or family to ask their opinions. This is between you and your partner and should be handled as such.
Do While Fighting
- Do take turns speaking. While your partner is speaking, remain quiet and let them share their piece. And when you’re speaking, they should do the same. Talking over each other will accomplish nothing. Really listen to each other. Don’t just hear them, but listen and process.
- Do start and end with a positive. While letting them know what is bothering you, start with a positive comment and end with one, as well. Don’t just throw out negative remarks the entire time.
- Do show emotion. It’s ok to show emotion (if that emotion doesn’t involve yelling). If you cry, that’s fine. It means whatever you’re talking about obviously means a lot to you.
- Do take some time to breathe. If you both need to collect yourselves for a bit, that’s okay. Go in one room, he can go in the other. I don’t recommend going to sleep angry; I’ve never been a fan of that one. However, if you need some time to think, that’s perfectly fine.
- Do know that “this too shall pass.”
Fighting in a relationship is inevitable, and if you don’t fight, I’m impressed. And, no, I’m not advocating for crazy, massive fights; I’m saying disagreements that may or may not escalate is okay. Of course, if you’re fighting all the time and something seems off, maybe you and your partner should talk about what’s going on and see if the relationship is a good fit for you both. As we’ve spoken about previously, you can’t change a person, so if it’s simply a matter of the two of you not being compatible, you should consider parting ways. If it’s just fights here and there, don’t run for the hills. Follow the “rules” above and you’ll get through it.
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Julie Lauren is not ignorant but stupid.Fighting is in fact not inevitable as she says in her article about the dos and donts of fighting in a relationships.There are in fact relationships where NO FIGHTING OCCURS…..big difference between FIGHTING and having a DIFFERENCE OF OPINION,that involves ‘NO FIGHTING’…
Jeff Silverberg is certainly correct in writing that fighting is not a necessary component of a relationship. As he correctly notes, differences of opinion are acceptable. So ,maybe what we are discussing is more of a definition of terms.
I would strongly recommend, even insist, that each party avoid negative comments about one another’s birth families. Unfortunately, my ex-wife came from a totally dysfunctional home, and resented the loving relationship my family and I enjoyed. Her jealousy and rage never subsided. On those occasions when I suggested she speak directly to my mother about her (imaginary) complaints, she refused. Except on one occasion when she called my mother out of the blue and threatened to kill her. Even though my circumsta nces were not the norm, the basic point to be made is that stated in the Talmud(Brachos chapter 4): If you suspect someone of wrongdoing, address the matter with them directly.
With best wishes to all,