All this family time during the holidays means that singles are going to get lots of unwanted advice from relatives – most of whom haven’t been single since before the age of the Internet. The two most common pieces of advice given always make me roll my eyes:
“Stop looking and you’ll find someone.”
“Guys/girls like a challenge.”
Hilarious, right? Actually, not actively looking and acting like you don’t like someone is detrimental to your dating life.
The amount that you’re out there looking is directly proportional to how much you date. If you’re not on JDate and other sites/apps, going to Jewish singles events, accepting blind dates – or all of the above – then you’re not going to meet someone. The chances of finding love with a coworker, on the subway, at the coffee shop or at the gym is slim. Sure, it happens every once in a while, but why sit back and wait for love to come to you? Instead, go out there and find it!
Accordingly, if you play hard to get, then how will you be gotten? I’m not saying to lay it all out on the line, but anytime you’re trying to not try too hard, you’re going to fail. When you pretend not to be into someone, your date is going to think just that – that you’re not into him or her. Pretending like you’re always busy will only make the other person think that you’re not willing to make time for them.
Meanwhile, if you’re offered advice without having asked or you totally disagree with the advice being given, don’t get into it with the other person; it’s not worth it. Merely thank them for the advice and say that you’ll take it into consideration. Just because a technique worked for one person doesn’t mean it will work for someone else. All the dating advice in the world won’t matter when you meet the right person at the right time.
That said, my job is to offer “wanted” dating advice, so don’t be afraid to ask!