You were in a relationship with someone, and you broke up. For whatever reason, the relationship is over and done with, but that doesn’t mean you no longer care about each other. So can you be friends with your ex? Is it a good or bad idea? Is it even necessary? Take a look at these scenarios to find out what’s the best approach for you and your ex.
If It Ended Well
Personally, I feel that if you had a seemingly nice relationship with this person and the break up was mutual and amicable, then sure, remaining friends is A-OK. However, before becoming besties, make sure you really don’t have any lingering feelings for this person. If you try to deny the feelings you still have, you’re just giving yourself a false sense of hope whenever you talk to or hang out with this person, which is never a good idea. And if you’re fully over them, but you know they’re still longing for you, don’t remain friends because it’s not fair to them. So if you both have moved on, are both in a good place and things ended on a good note, then by all means, be friends.
If You Didn’t Want It To End
Now, let’s say things ended, but you didn’t want them to (or vice versa). There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to remain friends with this person. It doesn’t mean you hate them or didn’t enjoy your relationship, but like I said above, it will give you a false sense of hope if you kid yourself into thinking you don’t still have feelings. It’s not to say you’ll never be friends, but it might take time. Put yourself first. If it’s even remotely hard on you to remain friends, then there is no need. You have enough friends, and your ex doesn’t currently need to be one of them.
If It Ended Badly
What if the relationship ended horribly? If this happens, please just move on. Do not pass go; do not collect $200. Just move on. There is no need to keep this toxic energy in either of your lives. You obviously are no longer compatible, and that’s okay, but don’t even attempt a friendship.
If They Start Dating Someone New
If you are successfully managing a friendship with your ex, kudos to you. However, if one of you starts dating someone else and the other person feels uncomfortable about that, simply dissolve the friendship, at least for the time being. It’s just not fair to the other person. I think we could all agree on that.
In the end, you have to do what you’re comfortable with and what’s best for you. Sure, it would be nice to be friends with your ex if it works out that way, but it is absolutely not necessary at all. And as previously mentioned, maybe it’s just not going to work out as friends right now, but down the road it could. Who knows? What I do know is that you must think first before diving into a friendship with an ex.
You may also be interested in 5 Tips For Getting Over A Breakup Jewish-Style