Let’s say you’ve gone on a few dates with someone. You’ve been “seeing” them for a couple weeks, but now, you’re just not feeling it anymore. You’re not in a relationship, so technically you don’t need to break up with them. However, you do need to end things with them so you don’t lead them on. How do you handle this delicate dating situation?
Make The Call
It happens. For the first couple dates, you may really be interested in this person, but as time trickles on, you realize they’re just not for you – no harm, no foul. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this and no need to feel guilty about it. However, it can be hard to end things because you don’t want to hurt him or her, and it can just simply be an awkward conversation to have.
The first thing I’m going to tell you is to not end it via a text message or, a la “Sex and the City,” a Post-It note. Please have the decency to call this person. You don’t need to go out of your way to meet them in person, but at least call them. I’m totally guilty of texting far too often, but when it comes to more serious situations such as this, pick up the phone.
Get To The Point
Once you get them on the phone, just get to the point. Don’t beat around the bush. After the “Hey, how are you?” back and forth, just come out with it. “Look, this is really hard to do, and I’ve really had a good time with you, but I’m not feeling it anymore and I don’t know why. I think you’re great, but I don’t want to mislead you. I’m really sorry.”
Say something along those lines, and then let them respond. There’s no need to give an entire dissertation. If the other person tries to press you for reasons why you’re no longer interested, keep it vague. It’s so much better to just say “I just don’t feel that connection” than to pick apart their personality, lifestyle or appearance. Let them know it’s not meant to be and nothing more.
Unless this person was feeling the same thing you were, they will likely be a bit shocked and taken aback. It doesn’t matter how short of a time you’re seeing someone, it’s a blow to the ego when you get dumped.
Let them respond and listen. If they’re mature, they’ll keep it short and sweet and thank you for being upfront, and that’ll be it. If they are a bit more emotional, they might be rude or angry. Just let them have their moment, and whatever you do, be nice. Don’t respond with anger; just apologize, listen to what they have to say and wish them the best.
Like I said, it’s not an easy conversation to have because it’s always tough to let someone down. But if you take the high road and don’t drag things out, both you and the other person will be better off in the long run.
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