Oh, breakups. They’re the worst, aren’t they? We’ve all been there. I’ve been through a couple doozies, including one in particular I’d love to forget ever happened. However, we all go through them, we all survive and, often, we come out stronger on the other end. Cheesy? Maybe. True? Yes. There are lots of different things you can do post-breakup. Some will help you move on, while others will have you taking two steps back. In my experience, these are the best ways I’ve found to get over a breakup.

1. Listen To Music

Play the most upbeat music in your room and just dance it out – and belt it out, too, if you’d like! Seriously, this works. Find the songs that lift you up no matter what is going on in your life and dance like nobody is watching. Remember to keep it fun and upbeat; as much as you love Adele, this is not the time to listen to her.

2. Keep Busy

Make plans almost nightly, at least at the beginning of the aftermath. Of course, you need time for yourself to decompress and collect yourself, but right when it happens, your mind is more than likely going crazy. Staying busy and distracted will help keep your thoughts at bay. Make plans with friends, do activities, go to the gym, etc. I’d advise against going on dates right away, as that can just make it harder.

3. Seek Professional Help

I’m all about therapy, and I think it can really, truly help. Don’t be ashamed of it; find a therapist and talk it out. You can only vent to your friends for so long before they start to get a bit annoyed – remember that “Sex and the City” episode?!

4. Take Up A New Activity

Aside from just keeping busy, try to find a new activity or hobby you can dabble in. Choose something you’re not great at, but want to become better at. This will keep you extra-distracted while you’re trying to master said activity. Need a few ideas? How about painting, playing a musical instrument, calligraphy or cycling?

5. Pamper Yourself

Treat yourself to a spa day or weekend, if you’re able to. Girl, you deserve it. Get a massage, a facial, a manicure, a pedicure…go for the works, basically. Hang out in the jacuzzi, steam room, sauna, etc. Release all the toxins and start fresh. If a spa day isn’t in your budget, pamper yourself at home, either alone or with a few girlfriends; trust me, it can be just as relaxing.

6. Write It Down

Get yourself a journal and start jotting down your thoughts. Now, I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a writer by profession, but writing is extremely therapeutic for me. Whether in a journal, on my blog or just writing on a piece of paper and then throwing it away, it helps to get it out with a pen (or a computer keyboard). Maybe even write a letter to your ex to say all the things you want to say, but might not have gotten a chance to (but DO NOT send it). It’ll help you find closure.

7. Get Organized

Getting things in order always helps. When your life feels chaotic and you don’t know where to begin, organizing your desk or living space can just make things seem right again. After a breakup, things will feel a bit off-kilter in your life; you’ll be adjusting to a “new normal,” so getting organized can really help with your head space. Start with your desk and closet, then go from there.

8. Keep Away From Your Ex

As much as you might want to talk to them, hug them or cuddle with them, don’t do it. Have self control, and do not reach out to him. Keeping your distance will only help you move on quicker. It’s not fair to either of you to be in contact. Maybe over time you’ll connect again, but for the time being, stay away.

9. Start Dating Again

Start dating when, and only when, you’re ready. There is no need to rush for this one, and I highly advise against doing so immediately following a break up. You need to allow yourself time to heal, get over the breakup and come to terms with it. At that time, and only at that time, start dating. Ask friends to set you up, go on JDate (obviously!) and put yourself out there. Again, do not do this before you are ready. And be honest with yourself about when you’re ready. There is no rush.

10. Stay Positive

Remind yourself that the heartbreak will heal, the pain will go away, and you WILL be okay. Time heals all. I know it feels like you’ll never get over it and this is the worst thing in the entire world, but I promise, from the very bottom of my heart, that you will be fine. You will be 100% fine. From one girl (who has been through hell and back in one of her breakups) to another, you will be fine and before you know it, it’ll be a distant memory.

Breakups are tough. No matter your age, they are not an easy thing to go through. Even if it’s a mutual breakup or you initiate it, it’s still a breakup. Focus on yourself (not your ex) and follow the steps above and in no time, you’ll be as good as new.

You may also be interested in How To Handle An Unexpected Run-In With Your Ex