Let me paint the picture. You’re dating a guy who has almost all the right “parts.” From the superficial things (good looking, tall, muscular, great hair) to the more important things (honest, loyal, hard working), he really seems to have it going on, and you’re extremely happy in this relationship. There are just a couple things that really bug you (his beliefs on certain topics, his stubbornness with certain things, etc.), but you stick with him because you assume he’ll change.
Well, spoiler alert: he’s not changing. People don’t change, especially as they get older. In fact, as people get older, their qualities and characteristics become more and more apparent.
Don’t Expect Big Changes
It can be hard to be dating someone who is so great, yet has those one or two things that you really want them to fix. You can certainly have a mature conversation with them letting them know what bothers you, but to expect an adult to change who they are is just not going to happen. It’s just not.
Yes, it’s possible that they might change little things here or there, but the big things, the things that make up their being – not a chance.
To Compromise … Or Not
I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m being honest. I’ve been there. I think many of us have been there. I mean you’re dating this all-star person, yet the fact that they are so neurotic drives you crazy, and you just don’t know what to do. Do you stay with this person for fear of being alone? Do you break up because you’ll never get over the fact that their neuroses are, in your opinion, insane? Do you try to work through it? It can be hard to figure out what to do. And anyone you ask might have a different opinion. Ultimately, you have to think of what is best for you and what works with who you are.
People are who they are. And, as cheesy as it sounds, that’s what “makes the world go round.” No one should have to apologize for who they are or what they believe in or where they come from, and you should never expect your partner to do so. If you love them, then love them. If you just can’t get past certain things, then it might be time to part ways.
No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has parts of them that they could probably work on. However, you need to make sure you’re okay with their flaws, with those parts of them that aren’t ideal. While they may work their very hardest to change in a way to make you happiest, that’s them not being their authentic self. And you should only want authenticity in your life – always.
The bottom line here is, as negative as it might sound, people aren’t changing. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is who they are and that’s perfectly fine. You just need to make sure you’re perfectly okay with who they are and accept them for just that. Capiche?
You may also be interested in 6 Lies We Tell Ourselves When Dating Lets Us Down